Dear Technical Support Group,

       Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
 distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and
jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In
addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Harley Davidson 4.1. Also
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. Please note that I have tried running Bitching 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
 Desperate------------

DEAR DESPERATE,

      First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command:
 ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not
 forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed,
 Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and
 Flowers 3.5. However, remember overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or
Patron 6.1. Please note that Patron 6.1 is a very bad program that will download
 the Cussing and Snoring Loudly Beta 10.2. Whatever you do, DO NOT under
 any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0. It runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In
addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary,
 Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional
 software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot
 Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech'l. Support Group (TSG)