Funny 'n' famous quotes
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... "
-- Sir Norman Wisdom
"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
-- Edgar Watson Howe
"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! " -
- Doug Larson
"A harmful truth is always better than...a useful lie!"
-- Eric Bolton
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
-- Erno Philips
"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. "
-- Robert Paul
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
-- Phyllis Diller
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
-- Will Rogers
"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."
-- Tim Allen
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
-- Woody Allen
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
-- Erica Jong
"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive."
-- Elbert Hubbard
"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."
-- Wendell Johnson
"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
-- Joey Adams